thinking

yeah…i’m not perfect, not at all, but nobody is. I actually thought i had found my true soulmate, but in the end, it was all just another facade.

“i let her go because i love her”

no, absolute bullshit. You only let me go because you can’t handle a serious relationship, if you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have pulled the crap that you did and you would have worked through the problems WITH ME, like a real adult.

honestly i can’t think about this, or him without breaking down every. goddamn. time.

i’m tired of always being blamed for a failed relationship, for bloody once i wish the actual culprit would own up.

you say i’m not mature….well, that’s cute. a true mature person would/wouldn’t:

  1. let his friends’s/family talk shit on his partner
  2. wouldn’t talk shit on HIS PARTNER
  3. would work things out no matter how big or small
  4. not make the person he’s with feel used or worthless
  5. support his partner in whatever they wanted to do and not force them to do something they clearly don’t want to
  6. don’t blatantly belittle the person they’re with
  7. don’t let irrelevant ass people get in the middle of their relationship, period.
  8. control their damned roommate
  9. stop using the excuse “i forgot” and start actually listening
  10. would actually TRY to pry away from their bad habits and try new things
  11. actually take or at least pretend to take a interest in what they’re partner likes/doesn’t like
  12. just cause you’re partners home all the time doesn’t mean they’re your maid. period.
  13. don’t be so damn distant, that adds to ruining a relationship.
  14. FUCKING COMPROMISE

i could go on and on… but i’ll stop there.

so many people tell me you aren’t worth it and to just let you go… and more than anything i’d love to do just that. But i can’t, yeah i’m fucking pissed and hurt and upset, but for god’s sake and i’m not even sure why…. i still love you.

they tell me i’ll get over you eventually, but i just don’t see it happening. i just don’t.

my heart say’s give you a second chance; but my brain say’s don’t. i’ll only get hurt again, because more than likely, you’ll never change or take a serious relationship.. seriously.

i was so willing to work thing’s out with you, that i only go hurt over and over and over again in the process….

but you had some nerve to ask what i’d do without you.

Wanna know what i’ll do without you? Hopefully become healthy again, get a better job, hopefully become a much better person then before, cut off anyone i don’t feel is worth my time, make more friend’s then before, push myself a little more.

Again, i could go on and on… but i’ll end it with this:

Goddammit i still fucking love you, even though you hurt me bad. And i wish i didn’t feel this way, but unfortunately i do. and i doubt it will ever change.

 

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